it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
