Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
