Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
