i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
even my farts smell like vagina
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Randomize