Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We have started to decorate penises.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize