A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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