this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
