I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
