theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
