I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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