also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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