Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
