What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
