Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize