my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
