Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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