you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
