I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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