what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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