I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
