We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
