I like my sex mixed with concussions.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
