I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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