My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
