The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think your dad took our porno
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize