I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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