I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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