When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize