no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
