Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
