She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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