Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
