i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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