where am i from again
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
