Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
