Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
