I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
this hospital has no fireball
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
