wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
