Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
