tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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