we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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