OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
