Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
