Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
