i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
