Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
