Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
