New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's official drugs can't kill me
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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