Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
