What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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