Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
