Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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