She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
