I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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