its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You took a bar mat shot.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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