Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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