My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
