he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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