My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
