The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
