I only kidnapped one of them. chill
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
