oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
