She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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