sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize