you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize
