i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
