Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
