There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
