i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize