i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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