i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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