Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
