I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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